My cousin, Neville, who suffered from a hideous brain eating amoeba (NAEGLERIA FOWLERI) that crawled through his nasal cavity and into the olfactory nerve, where it devoured his brain tissue rendering him unable to exist, will not be attending the family sloth hunt this year.

Symptons include: headache, fever, vomiting, nausea and stiff neck. As the amoeba continually devours more brain tissue, victims will suffer confusion, loss of balance, seizures and hallucinations. Death will occur within 3 to seven days. There is no cure. There is no treatment. Avoid swimming and/or jumping into bodies of warm freshwater or miminally chlorinated pools.